Our Message To The SEC-Obsessed Sports Media


Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just, do things. ESPN has plans, the NCAA has plans, you SEC obsessed media hacks… you have plans. You know, you’re schemers. Schemers trying to control college football. I’m not a schemer. I try to show you schemers how pathetic your attempts to control things really are. It’s the schemers that put those pathetic SEC Chanters where they are… who made them believe that the SEC was better than it actually was.

You, ESPN Analysts… you’re schemers, you have plans, and look where that got you? Working SEC Network duty, sucking up to Finebaum and serving tea to Phyllis? That’s why you’re bitches and I’m not. I just did what I do best. I took your game and I turned it on itself. Look what I did, in the last three years, to this college football landscape with a few articles of truth and a couple of tweets. While you were jerking off to Saban and chasing after non-SEC teams’ player criminal records, I was exposing your little conference and their hidden secrets. 


You know what, you know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is SEC teams playing each other for a national title. If tomorrow I tweet that the SEC is the best conference because some new ESPN metric says so, or that SEC schedules are the hardest because they play each other, nobody panics or gets mad, because it’s all part of the plan. But when I say that the SEC is actually overrated or that ESPN and it’s biased sports media sheeple have been feeding us all propaganda the past few years, well then everyone loses their minds!

Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the SEC-enamored sports media’s established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos… it’s fair.